Comments on: Finance & Marriage – To Share Or Not To Share?

By: Carnival of Money Stories:Just the Facts

Carnival of Money Stories:Just the Facts — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:55:00 +0000

[...] presents Finance & Marriage – To Share Or Not To Share? posted at Eliminate The [...]

By: The LeanLifeCoach

The LeanLifeCoach — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 12:53:19 +0000

Bytta- That rocks! I’d be willing to bet coming closer together on the financial front has helped make the relationship better as well. Congrats on the savings increase.

By: Bytta @151 Days Off

Bytta @151 Days Off — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 10:57:25 +0000

Interesting topic. We used to separate our finances except for mortgage and utility bills. While I’ve been making more cash, I’m also the one who is budget conscious. As a result, I put more cash to the mortgage account but he spent more on discretionary items. I resented that. I finally came up with an approach where we put our incomes and budget together, while still having some degree of individualism by allocating separate AND equal discretionary money.
I’m satisfied with the arrangement, we keep most of finances together, we have the same amount of discretionary spending and as a bonus, our savings amount has doubled.
.-= Bytta @151 Days Off´s last blog ..Day 11: Designing Your Life with Savings Snowball =-.

By: The LeanLifeCoach

The LeanLifeCoach — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 23:05:08 +0000

@Tracy – We are more focused on our budget. We have no predetermined “fun money” limits for each other. In part because we have managed to eliminate our debt, if she decides to stop for lunch with a friend she does. But we still have a monthly combined budget limit we are both working to meet. If I blow $40 on a new tool for my shop I know as part of the team I’ve got to conserve $40 somewhere else. At first it was hard for both but we have learned over time we don’t need to spend so much.

@Kris – Good point, private could be a problem. We have relatives that play this game… back to the landmine analogy!

@MattSF – Hopefully with with the separate monies you have budgets or some other to ensure efficient use of the money! Considering all the pennies and cents over a lifetime the separation of finance will have added costs. If that’s a price your willing to pay and that is what works for you, more power to you! On your death bed you won’t be thinking about the money, you’ll be thinking about your honey!

By: Matt SF

Matt SF — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:19:19 +0000

I’m a bit cautious on the topic, but I think that keeping finances completely separate can cause just as much friction as completely merging them. So the issues of “you don’t trust me” can become just as big an issue.

For me and my GF, we do the half and half thing where half of all expenses are paid in a merged account, and we’re left to our own devices when it comes to discretionary income. That way, I don’t get upset with 30 pairs of shoes and she doesn’t get upset when I splurge $100 on a baseball card.
.-= Matt SF´s last blog ..Should I Ignore My Raise and Save the Difference in Income? =-.

By: Kris @ Debt-Tips

Kris @ Debt-Tips — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:42:54 +0000

Personally, we share. It keeps us connected, and on the same page. I guess it could work having your finances separate, all depends on the couple. But hopefully separate doesn’t mean private, otherwise it could lead to some interesting issues!

By: Tracy

Tracy — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:01:13 +0000

So you carry no cash? And I wasn’t referring to frivolous purchases, just personal ones, the kinds of things that come up regularly and sometimes spontaneously, but can be different for each partner. Like hair cuts, lunch or coffee with a friend you run into unexpectedly, an emergency trip to the drug store for antacid, a couple of bucks for a fundraiser in front of the grocery store, or small inexpensive surprises for your mate to keep things romantic. Stuff like that….

By: The LeanLifeCoach

The LeanLifeCoach — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 14:50:30 +0000

We do not have a set allowance or individual budgets. Since we are both in agreement on our mutual long-term goals we both recognize that frivolous spending undermines our objectives. We do, however, feel free and open to questions each others purchased decisions (in a respectful manner). I tend to be a little more direct, “Did you really need those boots?” while my wife is a little more subtle, “What did you spend $800 on for the garage?”

Having an understanding that it not only OK but important to challenge each other is important to keeping each other accountable without causing turmoil in the relationship.

By: Tracy

Tracy — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 12:54:08 +0000

I have been married twice, too. Finances have been a problem (but not the problem) both times, but I see what you are saying about commingling funds and can understand how it could contribute to intimacy. What I don’t get is how do you decide about pocket money? Do you each get a predetermined amount each month and budget that for your personal needs?